Lincolnville Beach Fall Festival

Pictures from the Lincolnville Beach Fall Festival - When we got there, there were two huge bouncy inflatables to climb and slide on and the beach to roam.  Some pics from our day....

Trusting Babies and Pondering Expectations

This morning I woke up earlier than my kids (that is why I have time to type right now!!) and looked over to my two sleeping boys.  They were both facing me with their mouths open and two teeth sticking out.  Kanoa was blowing warm, sweet smelling breastmilk breath on me.  I began thinking of how fast they are growing and how I am now looking at my 21 month old and my 9 year old, but someday I could be looking at an 11 year old and a 17 year old.  I imagined baby, boy, teen, young adult, adult with kids, adult with grown kids, old man who lived a full life.  Whatever point you are at in life, the past seems to have passed by so fast!  I started thinking of how truly enjoying our moments makes our life lived full of good times and thoughts.  Li woke up for a brief moment, caught my eye (as I was staring at him and Kanoa still), smiled and turned over.  Sweet!

I thought about how we are all born "big" and important and  that babies have preferences and should be taken seriously right from the start.  People should not have to wait until adulthood to have opinions, to be taken seriously, or to be treated like what they say or want matters. 

Babies are small people and as parents we can help them to do as many things as we can as they learn and figure things out for themselves in our world.  If our children don't want to be social while out and about, we can help them feel protected and safe.  If our children don't want to wear socks and sneakers, they can go barefoot, wear slippers, or boots with no socks.  If our children want to press the button on the thermostat so it makes a blue light, we can hold them so they can press it or spot them as they stand on a chair.  If our kids want to see the doggie, but not get too close, we can hold them and read their body language so that we do our best to help them feel comfortable while they "see" the dog.  If our baby wants to pet the dog, we can be next to him while he pets the dog.  If our kids want to swing, we can push them in the swing.  If our child doesn't want pasta, we can offer other foods.  If they want to nurse and read and snuggle under the soft blanket on and off during the day, we can do that with them.  We grow to know our children so well that we understand their cues and they learn to trust that we'll acknowledge them and respond to their cues.  By letting our children lead and by exploring the world with our babies, we are their partners and trustworthy friends.  This, to me, is the beginning of a beautiful, joyful relationship.  A relationship that I wouldn't trade.  A life in which my kids feel safe in and are happy in.  A life in which I am truly happy and satisfied because I want to have that kind of life with my kids.  I like it!! 

Something puzzles me.  You know how in our culture people love babies?  Most people seem to.  I do.  When you have a baby, you meet many other people who are excited to see and look at and touch your baby.  Some babies get to a point where they don't seem to like this.  Some mothers let their babies get passed around, plug up the baby's mouth with a pacifier and say in a sweet voice while dismissing the child's obvious signs of distress, "Awww.  Shhhh.  There's nothing to fuss about!" as baby goes from one stranger to the next.  What would happen if those mothers took their baby's feelings seriously?  Their mamas would likely appreciate the love people have for their child, but they would protect their little one from overbearing and excited baby lovers.  Their child would trust their mother to keep them feeling safe even in a midst of strangers. 

Our culture also thinks children shouldn't be shy, or that this is something children should grow out of.  What if a person is shy their whole life?  Are they then a failure or less than?  Are they defective?  Does that mean an extroverted person is better or more important or will be more successful?  What kind of messages do we give to kids at such a young age about how we think they should be?

When kids are growing up, they are told to respect other people's boundaries.  That it is important to treat others the way they would want to be treated.  To be kind and patient and gentle.  How are kids expected to learn this if adults don't begin to treat kids that way?  We need - right from the getgo - to respect our kids boundaries, to be kind and gentle with them, to treat them the way we would like to be treated....or the way they want to be treated. 

In our culture, kids are expected to go along with what others want them to do when they are told to do so.  Often they are expected to answer when they don't want to speak, or they may be told not to speak when others have expectations that they should be quiet.  They may be told to look at things they may not want to look at, or look away from things that others deem inappropriate, to go out of their comfort zone and not be "shy," to be more reserved when others think a situation calls for it,  to talk more quietly so no one is disturbed, or to speak louder so they can be heard.

There certainly are lots of expectations that humans have for one another.  Some of these behaviors are expected because they are out of consideration for others (and we usually learn this by others being considerate of us and through life experiences) and others are cultural expectations of children based upon what others think children or adults should behave like - perhaps because they grew up with those same expectations and pressures put upon them or because they want their child to fit in with our society. 

Often children are encouraged to think about things, not to follow what everyone else is doing - ie. "If Sally jumps off a cliff, are you going to do it too," to be an individual thinker and to think outside the box.  Yet kids are often simultaneously told to "listen" and follow instructions and do what they are told to do.  Kind of ironic, huh?  Confusing too.  Should they question then?  Or just question every authority but ours when it is convienent for us?  How will they learn to follow their own inner voice?  How will they learn to trust themselves? 

Have you ever heard a parent shame their child by saying, "If only you had done what I told you to do!  Then this wouldn't have happenned!"  Do we give them room to make mistakes...or er..."learning takes?"  What about ourselves?  Do we give our own selves room to make mistakes and learn from them?  What would happen if we chilled out when we made mistakes and felt okay or even grateful for the learning experience?

Pondering all of these things and questioning everything myself helps me make more thoughtful choices.  I love my children and will do the best I can for them.  All life is full of different pathways of different lengths.  I hope I choose a long, windy one full of adventure!  And I hope to support my beautiful children's paths no matter where they may lead!

Slowing Down to a Child's Pace

One day when my now 13 year old daughter Katie was about 1 or 2 years old, we often took walks to the park.  I remember thinking how long it was taking to get there and how I wished she would go along a bit faster to get to the park so we could play there.  And yet another voice inside my head thankfully noticed that she was having such fun collecting rocks along the way and that this was important to her.  I realized that having fun along the way mattered.  It certainly wouldn't have been much fun if I rushed her impatiently to get to the park and then expected us both to instantaneously have fun.  Why couldn't we have fun along the way?  What if we just kept along collecting rocks and never made it to the park, but we enjoyed doing so?  Well, we did it all...we collected our rocks, pet dogs, looked at birds and trees and whatever else we saw and talked about it all on the way.  We had our fun at the park and then did the same thing back home.  Having moments like that helped me to realize that old adage of stopping to smell the roses.  Another similar adage I now keep in mind is that life is made up of all the little moments.  Make all those little moments count and enjoy them, then your life and those around you will have many joyful moments to remember and build upon. 

A couple of weeks ago, we visited the beach and boardwalk.  Makana tried to climb up to the boardwalk from the sand.  She was almost up when big brother Li helped her.  Well, she didn't want that help.  She was very upset that he assisted her at all.  She got right back down on the sand determined to do it again.  She had trouble and although I offerred to build her a mound of sand to see if that would boost her up, she declined.  Eventually, with her permission, she and I built a pile of sand for her to stand on and she climbed up on her own. 

After that we played a bit more and then left peacefully.  It is so satisfying to me to help her do what is so important to her.  This meant something to her and I could tell.  She must have felt like she accomplished something big.  I would imagine that this helps her build her self-esteem.  What a shame it would be if I had rushed her along and said we have to go now and then became upset at her tears and frustration.  What would that have done to her self-esteem?  What is important to her means more to me than sticking to a schedule or following through with intentions.  Being flexible allows for the most important things to be done and for other things to be rescheduled or even canceled.



Playing on the sand before we left the beach.




Makana wanted her picture taken by the slide.










I love living my life - our lives - this way!  I would imagine that it seems like I am catering to my children's wants much of the time.  Yes, that is exactly what I try to do!  I try to meet as many wants (including mine and Wolf's) that I can!  I am so grateful to be able to think deeply about this and to meet many of our desires.  Awesome!

Visit to Massachusetts for the Lighthouse Cruise out of Scituate

6/25 - Headed to Rockland, Mass so that Jim and Li could take a special lighthouse cruise out of Scituate this weekend.  Hotel was nice and even had a pool with saline instead of chlorine.  Perhaps that is why frogs and even ducklings visited it!  We especially had fun with the frog in the pool the first night! 

 

Katie  (Love this pic of her)  Kanoa in the background.

There's our guy!

The Wolf..

Kana and Li..

Kanoa fell asleep...

And then Kan and Li fell asleep too...

Katie entertained herself taking pics.....

Kana brought along her two new dolls she got for her birthday....a Barbie doll that bends and a Ken doll that bends.  She calls the Ken doll "Hottie" because it said that on the box.  We all cracked up!  Everytime she looks for Hottie we laugh!

What else do we do on long trips?  Eat of course!  Lots of food and snacks and water.  A DVD player, a backpack of special things for Kana, Nintendo DS's, books, crayons and paper...we're all set!

Another Katie pic

A bathroom stop for most of us and a diaper change and nursing stop for Kanoa.  Kanoa liked seeing all the birds by the place we stopped.

6/26 - Saying bye to Daddy and Li who were very excited to go on the cruise!

Look at all the people waiting to board! 

We all liked the shop right next to the pier!  Very interesting as it had lots of rocks and minerals, cool clothing, interesting trinkets and Kana bought a see through rock shaped like a heart for Daddy.  We walked around Scituate town a bit, lost the camera lens that goes under the cap (darn!) and then headed to Rexhame Beach to meet Jon and Rowan Kream!  So nice to do something fun while Jim and Li were off doing their lighthouse thing!

Katie and Rowan and Kana

 

So nice to dig and play on a real sand beach! 

Jon introduced Kanoa (who likes to line things up) to a new game of putting rocks on his legs which he dug..

It was a hot day in spite of being at the ocean!

Rocks rock! 

After a long day, Kan and Kanoa took a rest!  Isn't it great to be able to do that whenever you need to?! 

The next day (Sunday), we met the Dorsey's at Plymouth, Mass.  So glad to see them before we headed home!  It was another hot day in Massachusetts, even by the water! 

Katie, Maeve and Drue

Jean and Mauve

We climbed aboard one of the tall ships visiting the harbor.

And here are some Lighthouse Pics from Jim and Li's trip on Saturday:

Scituate Lighthouse

Minot's Ledge Light - Many years ago, I surprised Jim by hiring a boat to take us out to Minot's Ledge Light.  What a cool trip it was!  It was a small boat and a guy named Mike McDevitt took us out.  Mike lived on Peddock's Island and his mom made the boat he took us out in.  We still fondly recall Mike's use of the word "Buddy" when he talked on his cell phone and in general conversation.  He seemed like a really nice guy. 

Nantucket Lightship

Boston Light - We also visited this light when we were with Mike McDevitt.  Got to meet the lighthouse keeper who worked for the coast guard (Liutenant Hair) and he gave us a private tour of the tower! 

(insert photo of Lt. Hair when I have time to scan it)

This is the original Minots Ledge lantern.  Nearby is a pattern for carving blocks for the tower. 

We walked up to this bridge hoping to watch people jumping off the other side.  Missed it.  When Jim and I were here years ago, we got to watch people jump.  It is really high!  Higher than it looks in this photo.

On Sunday coming home, we needed a bathroom break and a rest for Kanoa as well...so...visited the Museum of Science in Boston.  Because we have reciprocal membership with our local museum, we were allowed four free tickets!  A good stop...

Finally, a moose!  (Still haven't seen one in Maine!  Yet...)

The kids, esp Li and Kana, LOVE this contraption and remembered it from last time!  It was a must see!

How many Wolfrum's can you fit in a dinosaur fossil?

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