What Was Katie's Experience With 9th Grade Like?

When a person *chooses* to go to school, knowing they can come home anytime, it can be a different experience than for the kids who are made to go. Sandra Dodd has a great page about school choice: http://sandradodd.com/schoolchoice  It was so helpful to me to understand and be supportive of Katie when she wanted to go.

Katie's freshman year was the first full year she had ever been in public school.  She entered public school for the first time ever in March 2011 which was the end of 8th grade.  Here's how her freshman year of high school went: 

Katie enjoyed her first year of high school for the most part.  During the school year, she did homework, studied to her satisfaction, took tests, and completed projects.   Grades continued to be important to her and she was an A student in almost every class though she got a B+ in one class.     Most of the time she adjusted her sleep needs so that she felt rested enough to get through the day, often going to bed around 7:30pm (though I believe she often texted with friends or Zach until late some nights).  In the morning, she chose if and what she had for breakfast and took what she felt like taking for lunch.  Because I knew she didn't eat much at school, I often made extra food for her when I made breakfast for the other kids so that when she came home she'd have somthing to eat like scrambled eggs or quesadilla.  

As far as what she enjoyed at school, she looked forward to seeing her friends there and even liked some of her classes.  How did she deal with the negative things?  For her, the positive outweighed the negative and she dwelled on the positive.  She dealt with the negative things by talking about them and deciding to deal with them in a manner that made her feel most comfortable.  The worst was a nasty math teacher that was going to retire at the end of last year and said "Shut up and sit down!" once last fall and also told her on more than one occasion that she needs to learn to wait and that homeschooling was plain wrong. That teacher shouldn't have said those things in my opinion. Katie and I talked about that a few times though she did not want me to talk to the teacher.  I followed Katie's lead and trusted that she could handle it in her own way.  Katie decided to let it go as she realized that this was not a reflection of her, but that of the teacher herself.  I guess this was a learning experience in that not everyone is kind or nice.  Maybe the teacher was going through a difficult time? - not that that would be an excuse though, but might help to not take things personally.  And maybe some people truly aren't as kind as others.  People are different.  Luckily, the other math teacher who shared teaching of that class was pleasant.  The other negative experience that stands out had to do with a kid who has a difficult life. They are friends once more, though not quite as friendly as in the past. 

Did Katie look forward to summer?  Oh yeah!  I think she was looking forward to being able to sleep in, stay up late, hang out with friends and not feel like she has to do anything for school, though she was assigned some "summer homework" to be completed prior to September which included reading Lord of the Flies and writing some words and their definitions. Why would the school assign students to do work during the summer? Don't they control enough of the student's time and life during the school year? Today (8/18/12), she stayed in all day and worked on it for the first time (that I know of).  She knows we have NEUC coming up and then a couple days after we get back school will start.  So she must be trying to bust it out.  Toward the end of July she started downloading free Nook Books to our Simple Nook and read so much.  This reminded me of when she used to read voraciously for pleasure.  I'm glad she was able to do that again because she used to like it so much, though read noticeably less during the school year.  

Jim mentioned to me this afternoon that Katie doesn't realize just how smart she is.  He thinks she is very clever...brilliant actually.  I agree.  She's amazing - intellectually, yes, always has been...but more important to me is that she is amazing as a person.  I love her so so much!  I'm so proud of Who She Is. 

Update on Katie in High School (9th grade)

Katie is enjoying school still.  It is still a bit hard to get up so early (and to get to sleep knowing you want to wake up early), but she does that as well as make her own lunch (she wants to make it right before she leaves so it doesn't get soggy), gather what she needs, and get to where she needs to get to by an early time.  Guess it is worth it to her.  When you want to do something, you can usually find a way to do it.

Honors English is her favorite class and she is proud of herself for getting high marks in it.  She likes her other classes too and has a nice time when she gets to eat with her friends or when she is in the same classes as them.  She has found that some people are really nice and friendly, and others aren't as kind and are not worth her time.  Overall though, her experience so far has been very positive. 

Many days there are hours of homework, though she gets much of it done in school during "independent study" time.  She wonders why it is called Independent Study because students Must do homework during that period and therefore thinks it should be called "Homework."   

Last night, a call from the school was sent to all of the student's homes because bath salts (drugs) were found in the school.  Jim and I are not happy about this as these kind of drugs are way more dangerous than something like marijuana.  The school has decided to implement a program that incorporates dogs to sniff out drugs because of that and the many drug related offenses that have occurred so far this year.   School is not a safe place in Jim's and my opinion, especially when kids who don't want to be there are there and bringing drugs to school.  http://bangordailynews.com/2011/10/26/news/midcoast/bath-salts-discovered-in-rockport-high-school/

10/29/2011 - Today Katie got a new cell phone (her old one broke and she was without one for a few weeks).  She was so excited because she said she could now text while she was in school so she wouldn't be bored.  She went on to say that while she enjoyed most classes (all except health) and felt she was learning in some classes, in others she felt bored because she already knew what was being taught.  This especially was true for algebra.  Interesting that this was the one subject that she fretted about knowing and even though she picked up some algebra books at the beginning of last year because she wanted to learn it, she has never had any formal math (except for a very brief period when I was occasionally asking her to work on handwriting and some math problems back in 2004 or 2005).  Also, she said her math teacher separated her and Zach because they talked too much.  Katie said that this happenned even though their conversations were about math.  Now she feels kind of lonely sitting alone in algebra.   

Choosing High School - First Full Day



Found this nice note this morning.



Katie went to school for her first official day of high school today and she enjoyed it very much.  She went yesterday, but it was a freshmen only half-day.  I was glad she wanted to tell me about her experience and her day.  She said that she likes some of her teachers and classes, but doesn't like Spanish 2 or Health.  She had been a little nervous about being a freshman as she heard people refer to them as "fresh meat" and heard that they aren't treated nicely by older students.  However, the students (both older and younger) she has met so far have been very nice. 

Last night was the evening parents could come to school and follow their child's schedule.  Jim went with Katie and got to meet the teachers and hear about five minutes of what each class was about.  The health teacher invited parents to come into any health class anytime.  Jim told Katie he'll save her a seat (wink). 

Some of the classes use no books at all, like science class.  The laptops aren't ready to be given out yet and Jim said that the school made it seem like this was a big deal - the kids would have to take notes.  He said that it seems like the schools have changed since we went. 

We do know one teacher at the school who teaches the fashion design and discovering foods classes.  She is so nice and I do hope Katie enjoys those classes. 

How School Is Going - three weeks into public school

Katie has now had three official weeks of public school (8th grade).  She has experienced some things she loves about it as wll as some not so pleasant realities.  Even though some of the things are either annoying or seem wrong, she is willing to deal with them and basically doesn't want to rock the boat. 

Some of the things on the positive side are:

- She really likes her Social Studies and Language Arts teacher, Mr. Dow.
- She loves the hustle and bustle of school.
- She likes to go downtown after school with her friends.
- She feels good about being able to do well in her math class and enjoys being praised.   

Some of the things on the negative side are:

- During the first week she went up the wrong side of the stairs and a teacher told her to come back down and go up the right way.

- She got paired up to work with someone on a project that wasn't a good match (I won't elaborate) and found it extremely frustrating.  The difficult part (if you care about grades) is that no matter how different the project turns out because of your partner, you both get the same grade. 

- Her math teacher was shaming the kids who had not turned in their work.  She told them that they should complete and turn in their work or they may need to take remedial math in high school.  She told them that Katie had been their just a week and was "putting them to shame."  Although Katie enjoyed the praise, this comment wasn't helpful for anyone.  When I was in school I would have cringed if my teacher said anything like that as I wouldn't want the others to scoff at me nor think of me as better than them.  (I had an experience in middle school Biology class when someone got mad at me for getting an A because it blew the curve.) 

- Indecent exposure!  There is a dress code that stipulates no leggings, no skirts shorter than your knees, no speghetti straps, no shirts lower than an inch below your collar bone.  There are more rules, but these are the ones I can remember offhand.  Last week Katie said her T-shirt was deemed a half inch too low and so she had to zip up her sweat jacket for the rest of the day.  After the class ended in which she was told her shirt was too low, she unzipped her sweat jacket and was thankfully not reprimanded for the rest of the day.  Apparently the principal stands outside the lunchroom and recently noticed too many low cut shirts and is after the teachers to get after the students.

- Once you sit down at the lunch table, you are not allowed to change places.  This rule - if I am remembering correctly - was made because students were sitting down and then moving and feelings were being hurt. 

- Last Tuesday the kids involved in the school play were told to wear their red T-shirts that had the play name on them to school the following day to help advertise the play.  Those that didn't would get detention.  (What?  Was that a joke?  Did Katie hear that right?)  Katie had an XL shirt that was getting caught on things and she felt self-conscious wearing it as it looked like a bag on her.  She asked the person in charge of the play if she could be excused from wearing the T-shirt because it was too big and it was getting caught on things.  The lady told her that she still needed to wear it and could tie it so it didn't get caught.  I offerred to call the school, but Katie said no thanks.  I told her if she didn't want to wear it, I'd take the flak for it and communicate to the school staff about it if there was any problem.  It is important to Katie to feel comfortable in her clothing and it is important in general to people her age especially to feel good about their appearance (yes, I am generalizing, but I do think this is true for most kids at that time of their lives).  Katie chose to wear the shirt and tie it in a knot like the lady suggested.  I did ask her to take it off for FCS (Family Consumer Science) since she was using the hot oven to bake cookies and I thought the extra large shirt might pose a safety hazard.  She kept it on all day (including FCS) as the knot helped.  As soon as school was over though, off the shirt came! 

Katie Enrolled In School Officially - Day 4

So far Katie is loving school.  It has been very difficult for her and whoever else gets up or wakes up early in the morning.  Luckily, most often the other kids continue sleeping.  But if I go down to make Katie eggs, Jim needs to stay awake to make sure Kanoa doesn't get up and try to walk downstairs by himself (he still needs to be spotted going on the staircase and would be especially groggy first thing in the morning, esp that early).  We used to go to bed around 2am and get up around 11am.  Big change for her to go to sleep earlier and get up at 5am.  Yikes!  We are completely in flux right now, but I suppose we'll get used to the changes and some kind of rhythm will evolve.  It didn't help coming down with the flu/terrible cold either.  We are still coughing.  Jim had the cold the Friday before Katie tried out school.  But then on 3/9, that first Wednesday and Thursday that she got up to "try out" school, we woke up earlier and didn't get as much sleep for a couple of days.  The time we slept began to change and the colds began circulating through the household.  Although it might have happenned anyway, I do think that when we get alot of rest we tend to stay healthier. 

Katie Is Excited To Try Out Public School (Teen Goes From Unschooling to School)

When Katie was an infant (1997), I joined a La Leche League group in Manasquan, NJ.  I became a LLL Leader and met many families who nurtured their children.  Some of them homeschooled.  Some of them unschooled, although at that point I didn't know what that was.  I remember thinking that I could send my daughter off on a bus to be raised by someone else.  For that is what it seemed to me at that time.  Sending a small child away for so many hours a day did not seem right to me.  It was not at all what I wanted to do and I know Katie also wanted us to be together.  We loved having fun together, exploring, visiting with people, going to our favorite and new places and just being together.  We also still nursed.  Just after Katie turned three, I found out about a Not Back To School gathering and went.  I met some wonderful people and joined a group of families who attended a park day once a week.  Then we found another group of folks that met at a different park on another day too.  We began doing activities with whoever was interested from either group such as Music Together, geography club, sewing club, beach/nature walks with an environmentalist, random get togethers for fun at various places (beach, skateboard parks, playgrounds, pools, homes, etc)  as well as organized activities such as archeology digs, programs at nature centers, aquariums, historical places, museums, etc. 

Fast forward.....Li was born in NJ in 2001.  We moved to Maine in 2005 and Makana was born then and there.  In 2008, Kanoa was born. 

Throughout this whole time, Katie was very self-motivated and enthusiastic.  She has always been a go-getter and has always been excited for life.  One of my favorite memories was when she was ten and a half and beginning to plan her eleventh birthday party.  She and Jim had become very interested in dog mushing and had followed the Iditarod online, even getting up in the wee hours of the morning to see the mushers come in - I got into it too, but their passion for it was beyond mine.  Katie wrote letters to a few of her favorite mushers to invite them to her birthday party.  She received a handwritten letter back from Libby Riddles, the first woman musher to have won the Iditarod (1985)!  Unfortunately, Libby Riddles coudn't make it, but appreciated the invite.  One night, we received a long distance call from one of the famous mushers!  Katie was so excited to talk with him (and Jim was envious!).  Katie called the other mushers who hadn't yet responded by looking up their phone numbers online or by researching their kennel information.  She did end up speaking to almost every musher she wrote to and eventually became friends with some of them on facebook!  One of the mushers, Scott Smith, grew up in Hope, Maine, one of our neighboring towns.  Katie spoke and corresponded with him to organize a homeschool talk/presentation when he visited the following summer.  It was truly an inspirational talk that he gave as he shared his story with everyone (I'll add a link her to the blogpost I wrote about the event if I can find it  http://joyful-abundance.blogspot.com/2008/11/9408-monday-scott-smith-talk.html).  I helped Katie find a local musher who had a kennel and was willing to let her come and help out.  Katie organized a homeschooling presentation at his home and kennel as well (I'll add this link too when I find it  http://joyful-abundance.blogspot.com/2009/04/friday-424-ryker-kennel-tour.html).  I admire her initiative and drive! 

One of the things we do as unschooling parents is to try to help our children as much as we can to follow their interests and passions.  This latest interest of Katie's is something more challenging for me, at least on some days it is.  At other times I find it not so hard as I look at Katie and see she seems truly excited and happy because she is doing what she wants to.  And that is my wish for her overall, to be living her life doing what she feels is exciting and wonderful and stimulating. 

So today (Wednesday 3/9/2011), she tried out the eighth grade for the first time and loved it!  Tomorrow she will go again.  And she'll get herself up and ready because she wants to go.  Amazing....because she loves to stay up late and sleep in unless something is worth getting up for!  School is worth it to her!  I already met with the Vice Principal (who we know from Tanglewood when Katie had him for a group leader during a homeschool program in maybe 2006) to pick up papers and do the formal required meeting to go over policies and procedures, schedules, dress code, rules, class options, and how the school works, etc. as we are anticipating her wanting to enroll.  The kids are off Friday, and then on Monday she'll be officially enrolled.

I had fears about school...and if I think about it too much, I might still have them.  They are to do with fitting in, peer pressure, being graded, her feeling like she doesn't know enough or is inadequate in some way, being bored or uninterested and yet feeling compelled to study, thinking that it might actually be okay or good for children to be told what they should learn and when even if they don't wish to, thinking that she is less than an adult or teacher, wondering if other kids are kind to her, and wondering if all this time away from our family will create distance in our relationship or her relationship with her siblings. 

But....those are my fears.  When I think of them, I will take some deep breaths, think more positive thoughts, and dwell on the happy, excited face of Katie, my so loved daughter that I could hug and will love forever and whom I wish so much happiness for.  And that is how I will try to feel good and help her to also.

Katie wants to try out school....now!

When Katie would have been in the third grade, she wanted to see what school was like.  She shadowed our friend's son who was in the fourth grade for a day.  She enjoyed the experience and did the paperwork she brought home. 

In sixth grade, she again was interested in seeing what public school was like and shadowed her best friend Keely for three days during school spirit week.  It was fun to her and when I came to pick her up, she had already met with the principal and wanted me to meet with him too.  I met briefly with him and Katie and told him we would talk about it, but that if she did enroll, at any time I would be happy for her to come back to homeschooling.  After seriously thinking about enrolling, she decided not to because she said she really enjoyed sleeping late, would miss us, and felt she learned best on her own. 
Fast forward to this year, when she would be in the eighth grade.  She's been hanging out with her schooled friends alot.  Some other unschooled and homeschooled friends she knows are going to school either this year or next year as well.  To sum it up, she's had an interest in going in the past, knows people who are trying it out, and new friendships have blossomed with schooled friends. 

Katie said she wanted to enroll in high school for next fall and complete at least the first half of the year which would take her into January 2012.  We talked about it alot and then picked up the necessary paperwork, she took the math competancy test and got into the algebra class she wanted to take.  Then she thought about the possiblity of going to middle school and said she might like to go ahead and enroll in that now and finish out the year.  She said this was the only time she could ever go to middle school in her life and wanted to try it.  She thought she might like to go to school spirit week to try it out, but was quite sure we may as well enroll her because she was sure she would like it. 

Here's part of a letter I wrote about my feelings - I might just include this here because it sums up so much of what I'm feeling....
"........This is hard for me. I dislike school so much as an institution and I think I fear the peer pressure and her wanting to fit in or her losing her love of reading (because she'll be doing so much required reading) and her enthusiasm for life and learning in general. And I love her so much just the way she is and I wonder how going to school might change her. And I wonder if I could have done something differently that might have made her not desire to try out school. In spite of my own feelings and thoughts, it feels more important to me to help her do what she feels is best and right for her, even if it is different than what I had thought or hoped. It would feel wrong to me to say, no, you can't go to school. So I say yes, you can go if you want to. And so, tomorrow I will call the middle school and see if she can try it out for a week and maybe get enrolled afterward. I'll get the ball rolling anyway. Our relationship is more important and that is what helps me help her and stay in a more positive frame of mind than I thought I could. Jim didn't want her to go into 8th grade, but to start in high school if she was set on going. I agree with him that I'd rather her start in high school (if I were making the choice...but I am not....we are letting her decide), but reminded him that ...or rather asked him if....he wanted to support her choices about her path in life and keep our connection and trust with her and how to date we have seen her make good choices and even if she makes choices that aren't so good, they are hers and learning experiences and we can still discuss things, but that I think we'll all be feeling best if we give her the freedom to do what she feels is best for her. He agreed. But he is having a bit of a hard time I think. I didn't realize how much he valued homeschooling or unschooling. I know he notices how much more considerate and thoughtful and kind some of our homeschooled friends and families are. But lately, Katie has been wanting to hang out with her best friend (schooled) and her friends (schooled) who are now Katie's friends too. And I think that is part of why she wants to go. But also to see what it is like first-person. During a conversation once, she said she is happy at home, but might be happy at school, so maybe she can be happy at both places. She wants to find out. Read Ronnie Maier's blog, Marcia Simmonds blog, Sandra Dodd's "school choice" and corresponded with Ronnie, Marcia and Faith Void as all of them have had or have unschooled kids go to school or try out school. It helps alot. But I still wonder how this will go for us. I hope good either way it goes! I'll try to stay positive! (Sorry to write so much on this....I really need to write a blog post about it all, but haven't done so yet.)"

A Timely Thread on Ask Unschooling Offspring about Teen trying out school

A post I wrote on Ask_Unschooling_Offspring on Feb 9, 2011 -

Hi! My 13 yr old daughter Katie wants to try high school too! We've always unchooled, so this will be a big change. I have fears and worries too. Mostly because of how she sees herself as wanting to fit in with her schooled friends and be like them and they are not as honest, considerate, respectful or trustworthy as our homeschooled friends!

Her schooled friends sometimes joke with her and call her a "special friend" (like she is "slow" because she homeschools) which I don't think is nice. In the past, the kids have told her what they are learning and then said that she will have to know all of that and they can help her catch up. It sounds so demeaning to me and yet kind of them to offer too if they sincerely want to do something they see as helping. I am worried she feels like she is lacking because she doesn't know everything they know. I thought she realized she could
learn what she wants when she wants to and that we would gladly help her (which we've always done). Maybe she does realize that, but wants to be with those friends doing what they do. And she doesn't know what school is really like from her own experience and wants to find out.

Some days I can be in a place where I can think of school as any other thing she wants to try out and I can feel good that she has the courage to try it and do what she feels is right for her. But this is hard because it is supporting her in attending an institution that I don't believe in and that goes against *my* values in many ways.

Yet the idea of *supporting my daughter is even more important* than what I think of schools. So I need to try to separate supporing Katie from my own beliefs about schools. What a growing experience this will be for me!

Other times I get caught up in my own self and sort of take it personally like when I wonder if I failed somehow by not making being out of school as good as the idea of school.

In spite of knowing better, sometimes I feel resistance in supporting her.

I am fearful being around schooled kids so much will have a negative influence on her. ie. She will not be her true self because she will try to fit in.  I also worry that maybe she will believe it if the schools classify her into a category (honors, average, slower classes). Or maybe she will be embarassed about what her friends think about which classes she gets into or doesn't. She seems to worry about what they think alot.  Anyway, that's what I have been thinking about!

Christina, your post uplifted me too and will surely help me remember to dwell more on the positive and try to quell my negative thoughts as much as I can!

Laurie (Mom to Katie 13, Li 9, Makana 5 and Kanoa 2)
----------------


Below is the wonderful, uplifting and insightful (and oh so timely for me!) post Christina wrote to someone on the same thread on Jan 28, 2011...


Re: [Ask_Unschooling_Offspring] Re: My 13yo wants to try high school

Karen,

I am not an unschooling offspring, but an unschooling mom.  I do feel inspired to share my 2 cents though, so you can take what is helpful for you and leave the rest.

(snip - I cut out some of this post and left the parts that spoke most to me to keep things a little shorter....lw)
you said: I feel like he has never really embraced unschooling and all that this lifestyle offers, so I feel like he's not making an informed decision in wanting to go to school.

how can he make an informed decision unless he has experienced school???

maybe he hasn't embraced all of the freedom you see in this life because he has never been in the stifling situation that so many kids live through - to me school felt like prison - so by contrast I can fully appreciate the freedom this lifestyle offers - my kids might never fully appreciate it until they find themselves in a situation (like a job or something) where their freedom is taken away

maybe it will take him going to school where a different adult is telling him what to do every hour, and he has to comply with a set of arbitrary rules in order for him to appreciate the freedom he has - and take full advantage of it!

you said: And yet, I know that there's no point now trying to convince him to stay home, so I've decided that I simply must support & encourage him in this decision. Our new school year is about to start so I guess it's going to happen! :(     Still feeling sad and like I haven't done a good enough job :(


You can't change the past so all you can do is just start now - let him do EVERYTHING that he is interested in, including school. JOYFULLY support his decisions (even if you know they will backfire on him)

That is the ONLY way he will learn what he wants (and doesn't want) in life.

Maybe he will love school, maybe he won't, but it's not your journey. It's his and he must make it.

and when I say "joyfully support" that means no more frowny faces when you talk about his choices and decisions coming to be! ;-)

and no more frowny faces about your past decisions either - just be grateful he has the freedom he does to make his own choice now - he will be going into school WILLINGLY - not as a prisoner - and he can leave at any time if he decides to! :)

Find a new way to look at it that makes you feel joyful or excited for him or something positive. I see it as an amazing turn of events that so many more parents are trusting kids to make their own decisions and kids are being fully supported in pursuing their desires. What a wonderful world this can be if ALL kids are trusted and supported in that way!!!

Peace to you and your family - and good luck with this school experiment!

Christina

My Feelings On Katie Wanting To Try Out High School Next Year

Wed feb 2, 2011 – I posted on radicalunschooling yahoo gp the following:


(snip - took out part I was responding to and beg of post and left in more relevant part)
My 13 yr old will be trying out high school next year. Because I don't truly like the institution of schools for various reasons (and I love our unschooling life and philosophy and having her with me and the rest of the family so much), my wish was that my children would continue to unschool.

However, the thing I want most for my daughter is for her to do what she wants to do. Right now she wants to understand what school is all about - being graded and taking a full load of courses.

The thing I want most for me is to truly be happy and accepting and understanding and supporting of her just as I'd be for any other endeavor she wants to explore. Her going to school will help me to learn even more about how to keep loving and be grateful for her experiences she will be having even though she will be making choices very differently than I would.

Deep inside I have different fears (and I am still slowly thinking on each of them). Overall though, I trust her own decision about this and I know it will have lots of learning experiences for both of us (whether it is the best thing she has ever done or whether she decides it wasn't for her).

Laurie (mom to Katie 13, Li 9, Makana 5 and Kanoa 2)